‘In which Michael gives an insight into his awesome magical powers after growing weary of a chode who hath been talking jive.’
I’m tired of a self-proclaimed NICE GUY who we will refer to here as ‘Chodezilla’ talking shit about me to people. Chodezilla lives by the opus, that the best way to get ‘laid’ is by *saving* women from ‘assholes.’ Actually, I suspect that on some level this person doesn’t even want to get laid, which is why he fucking doesn’t, but we will leave that to Ronda Byrne and Teh Secret. He just wants someone to looove him and he thinks the best way of going about this is by being a fucking chode. There is also the possibility that this person is on some level just some kind of a masochist who wishes to live in some almost asexual, female induced personal torment. My own personal opus is that the best way to get ‘laid’ is by actually being a fun person living a good life, and as a result you know, having fun.
The shit that this person says about me is ridiculous. He recently told me that a woman I was dating would ultimately regret seeing me because I’m a ‘balding’ douchebag hahahahaha. This is interesting in itself, I mean, first off, it’s pretty fucking hilarious how he mentions something about me that doesn’t conform to perceived standards of beauty, and as a result because I don’t conform to what HE believes is the correct standard of beauty for MEN no less, I must THEREFORE have a bad time in life (hahahahahaha) and that I also therefore shouldn’t talk to women, or just as pertinently, they shouldn’t talk to me. Chodes like this aim to suppress the confidence of people. This is the kind of person who would fuck up the confidence of someone who wanted to talk to a woman because presumably people have done that to him. Like some kind of cycle of pain. I mean, I know some weak minded people and having someone giving them this kind of negative shit and doing what he is doing to me, like going up to women and telling them about how much of a mean person ‘Mikey is,’ just so they will call you out on it, would completely fuck up their confidence.
As for the NICE GUY shit… that is just some self-serving, manipulative bullshit, right there. You know, when you can only be ‘nice’ when it serves your own manipulative agenda, you’re actually not really nice at all, just kind of cynical, negative and cunty. Similarly,when we had the charity whip-round because someone was running a half-marathon for a child with lymphoma and I took it upon myself along with a couple of other to ENSURE everyone donated to this because one) it’s for a small child with lymphoma and two) someone has actually gone to the trouble of training and running a half-marathon… only one person didn’t donate, because ‘charity starts at home.’ Guess who that was? Yep. He accused me of ‘intimidating’ and ‘guilt-tripping people’ into donating money and called me an ‘asshole.’ In context of a fairly small space, we raised something ridiculous like £300.00 in around an hour. I’m up on some shit like, ‘Okay, what’s your address, how much am I putting you down for?’ Assuming that sale, not giving people the option of saying no. Coffee is for closers yo. If you’ve ever read Influence by Robert Cialdini, there was undoubtedly a degree of ‘Everyone else has donated, so I should.’ However, only NICE GUY was so fucking sensitive with regards to being ‘intimidated,’ ‘guilt-tripped,’ ‘harassed.’ Whatever. Cute that he made something like raising money for a terminally ill child about his overly-sensitive feelings, though.
Chodezilla is a person who messages MODELS on twitter and tells them how beautiful they are. He is currently trying to capture the hearts of various women. Again, this mostly entails telling them how beautiful they are and posting sub-tweets on social media, to little (no) avail like:
For the sake of it, we will see momentarily how some ‘balding douchebag’ met a beautiful woman, with a PURE HEART who went on to become his girlfriend n’aww (if we’re gonna do ‘conventional standards of beauty’ too, she was also blonde haired, blue eyed, 5’10 with model good looks, slim, enormous breasts and unless you live in a big city, you probably haven’t seen someone as physically attractive in the past few months if not this year). Ultimately, there is a distinction, and that is something like chodes try to IMPRESS women to get women to like them; people who aren’t chodes and who get laid EXPRESS themselves and draw a woman into their world. They aren’t just trying to intrude on a woman’s shit, they have their own world, standards, values etc which is extremely attractive. It’s kind of like having your own personal club/zen garden of self-indulgence. ‘If someone can’t join your club, they will do anything to get in.’ The best media depiction I’ve seen of this kind of attitude/mindset is Mr Big on ‘Sex and the City’ who is a total fucking boss. I mean, it may possibly be interesting to look at the men of ‘Sex and the City’ on some kind of Randian spectrum à la The Fountainhead at some point, like, ‘the man who never will be’ because he does not own his shit, and does not have his own values etc, ‘the man who could be’ i.e the one with his own values and world views but who supplicates to some degree and is something of a fucking sell-out. Nonetheless, Big was THE Howard Roark of that shit. To be attractive to a woman, have something better to do than attracting a woman. Anyway, here is how a balding douchebag met the magical angel princess:
Here’s how Chodezilla would’ve done it:
Chode: you very beautiful xoxo
Her: (best case scenario) thanks
If you can’t see the difference then I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but explaining this shit ain’t one.
(It’s something to do with being comfortable enough in yourself to just throw out ridiculous stereotypes and sit back and be all like, ‘I am Michael hear me roar, I am so cool, I can tell you’re going to LOVE me, actually you probably already do’ though.)
It’s not like there’s anything wrong with being all ‘romantic’ per se, I mean I’ve recently ‘dramatised’ a conversation for the book, with an extremely attractive lady who is doing a PhD (excerpt forthcoming). Incidentally, if you don’t believe in ‘horoscope compatibility’ shit, you will after you see what the extravagant mating ritual of two fucking Leo’s looks like.
I suppose it just helps if you listen to what someone is actually saying, rather than responding and reacting to how they look. What would I know though? I’m just some ‘balding douchebag.’ Hahahahaha.
If you want women to like you… well actually, for a start, you shouldn’t be worrying about what anyone thinks about you or whether people like you. It’s none of your fucking business. If you’re actually bringing something to the ‘party,’ and you have something of value to ‘offer,’ then they just will.
Sometimes women will even have sex with you at parties whilst their boyfriends are downstairs.
I didn’t actually realise they were dating at the time and subsequently I did kind of feel sorry for this guy after she ultimately left him for me. Bizarrely, I ended up developing a little bit of a friendship with him. He was a good guy, well intentioned but such is life. He was a pretty interesting guy actually, because he was this person who was almost hyper-rational. He was super analytical and took great pride in how ‘intelligent’ he was. I found this fascinating. Like, he said to me something along the lines of ‘if you give a woman everything that she needs, she should stay with you. I can not understand this.’ He was also the kind of person who used to send her texts like, ‘The reason you are so attracted to me is because of pheromones, because you can smell that I am a healthy, strong male.’ Not even joking. Incidentally, this was while she was lying in bed next to me one morning. Anyway, I digress, he wasn’t actually giving her everything she ‘needed.’ I mean, the kind of ‘intelligence’ he was ultimately lacking here was social-intelligence and some cognitive empathy. While a lot of chodes will let their feels run wild and completely lose all rational thought, this guy was like the total fucking opposite. What this woman wanted was fucking ‘drama.’ You could figure this out in about five minutes by listening to what she was talking about. It didn’t require a fucking degree in psychology to figure out. It’s like how you will get people who will complain about shit and bitch about things constantly. People get addicted to certain states of mind. I work with these people. I see them day in, day out. They live for fucking drama. So for all this guys protestations and surprise about how he looked after her, treat her well, satisfied her sexually, had an eight inch cock (!) etc, he was seriously lacking in one important department for her. He said to me, ‘I used to make her squirt, though.’ I didn’t have the heart to tell him that everything I know about sex, I learned from Squirters 2.
You do generally find that when you look at the dynamic of a lot of relationships, on the surface level, you generally think, ‘Why the fuck is she with him?’ More often than the reverse. Certainly, looks have little to do with it and it’s more a case of having something that is mutually beneficial between two people. Which is why texting women the lyrics to ‘Can you Feel the Love Tonight’ from the Lion King and buying flowers can only take you so far.
Thus, take some pride in your work, do a good job, buy a house, a car, get some decent threads, get a haircut, have a fucking shower, go to the gym, get a run in, ride a bike, get outdoors, do shit you enjoy, have fun, listen to music, sing some songs, make your own, read a book, challenge yourself, visit some places, broaden your horizons, develop your interests and talents, SMILE. Then if it’s still the case that no-one likes you, at least you’ll have ripped abs, a good vocabulary and a nice car to masturbate over, whilst listening to Lionel fucking Ritchie with a belt around yo’ neck, within the comfort of your own home.
Here’s the thing and the BIG QUOTE. Getting the woman of your dreams isn’t about the 0.01% of your life you spend ‘chatting her up.’ It is in the 99.99% of your life you AREN’T. It is in your general behaviours and the shit you are doing when you aren’t with women. It’s your attitude, how you treat people, the shit you’re interested in, what you do throughout your fucking day. You can’t be some negative cunty chode 99.9% of the time and then suddenly switch in on for that 0.01% of the time you meet some amazing woman who sets your heart racing. You can have the best ‘patter’ but ultimately you can’t expect someone to feel good EMOTIONS around you when you don’t feel them yourself. Ultimately it is going to come across as fucking incongruous, perhaps even fucking creepy. This goes for how you behave and treat EVERYONE. Little old grandpa’s, grandma’s, tramps… if you can’t manage your life and your own emotions and make your own self feel GOOD, then NO-ONE, that is: the girl of your dreams, little old grandpa’s, grandma’s, homeless people etc is GOING TO FEEL GOOD AROUND YOU FOR LONG. This is the kind of thing that leads into what is ultimately another huge chode trait: EMOTIONAL SUPPLICATION. Talking to attractive women to get validation. Because these people don’t feel good about THEMSELVES, they believe they can only get validation through the attention of attractive women. It’s not just that these people want to stick their dicks into women, but they want to attach their emotional umbilical chord to them too. So for example, when you ask some chode to sponsor someone who is running a half-marathon for a terminally ill child and they bitch you out about how charity starts at home and how you’re harassing and intimidating people, you know what I and everyone else is hearing? ‘I don’t get laid.’ EVERYONE is hearing that, because that is your REAL attitude the 99.9% of the time you’re not trying to seduce a woman, and you know what, even in that 0.01% of the time you are, she is still going to hear that too, because THE SELF IS ALWAYS COMING THROUGH.
Oh well, off to listen to Lionel Ritchie.