The part of the book I’m really struggling with is the part based around my last relationship. The wounds are still possibly a little too fresh or I haven’t fully contextualised it, rationalised it, whatever. I was thinking about how we met. I said one thing, she said another and that was it. We were basically together. Following on from my previous posts, I was thinking about ‘why?’ that was. Most of what I said in the previous posts about having other shit going on your life equally applies. From a personal point of view, at the time I was in a good headspace. Basically all I really wanted to do was be alone and play guitar. I was fully content in myself. I mean, I fucking suck more dick when it comes to playing guitar than a prisoner at Abu Gharib prison, but that is entirely besides the point. It is something that I LOVE doing. Like, I just love messing around on the fucking thing and blasting out a few notes. I mean personally, I only own LEAD GUITARS, these come complete with fucking pentatonic and Phrygian scales . I do not own any RHYTHM guitars, which are the type usually most popular amongst more introverted types than myself who like to play CHORDS. Know the difference. Hennyway. This is like my idea of heaven. So fucking relaxing. It kind of reminded me of something amazing I saw during the summer. I was in a bar called the Sir Colin Campbell in Kilburn, London. This is a bar in a hardcore Irish area of London and I love me some fucking trad music, so I went. This place is like the BEST for Irish trad music in Britain. One of the trad group is this guy called Mick Flynn. He’s like this old guy, but he’s fucking fascinating. I mean, he just sits there talks and talks and talks, fucks around with his various instruments, dipping his water pipe into his beer because that is ostensibly what it requires to make the thing work and then rubbing some beer across the skin of his ancient Bodhran because that ‘loosens it up.’ Some of what he says is difficult to understand because he has a strong ‘culchie’ accent, but he has stories that could go on for days, and he has an inflection in his voice and by the passion, tone and manner in which he speaks, you just have the general impression that you’re missing out on something that is GOLD. You nod and agree anyway, and then wait for the next sentence you understand. He talks about places he’s travelled to, he is saying something about Thailand and temples and how he went with his girlfriend (the guy is in hu seventies I’d say), or perhaps his girlfriend is from Thailand. Who the fuck knows? He starts to sing. It’s pretty evident that he’s been doing this for decades. He’s good and this guy must know fucking thousands of songs. The trad band play and they are excellent. I walk to the bar and strike up a conversation with some gentleman from Belfast. We discuss Ireland. There is a lull in proceedings. Then Mick begins to sing. Intermittently playing his water pipe which he has been dipping into his beer repetitively. A look over and see a young man and woman. The young man wears a striped shirt. He sniggers at Mick. He does not understand what is happening here. The young woman he is with looks mesmerised. Mick is singing ‘Sam Hall’ or something like that. Anyway, it is irrelevant.
‘Violinist “A” is a bachelor, twelve o’clock, slim-hipped, broad-shouldered, suave—in other words, a typical Hollywood stereotype of a gypsy, who has a job serenading diners at the Bit ofTransylvania, a restaurant with atmosphere. As Laszlo (for that is his name) lovingly caresses his fiddle’s “erogenous zones,” the women present gaze longingly, their once-hot stroganoff mouldering cold on its plate. “For heaven’s sakes,” complains hubby, “eat your dinner.” The words die unheard, though, as all female eyes are on Laszlo making love to his violin. Little does Laszlo need any of those women right now, as his heart is taken.’
Mick sings majestically. The young woman maybes forty years his junior has little cartoon birds fluttering around her head. The man has soul.
I mean, I have nowhere near the talent that Mick has. This isn’t really the point. The reason I mention this is because when I got with my ex, the last thing I was interested in or wanted was a girlfriend. I was just happy doing my thing, playing my music (badly) and getting on with my life. I was truly happy and content being alone. Actually, the worst thing you can probably do to get a girlfriend is actually want one.
That’s why you’ve got to become an individual who is autonomous and self-fulfilled. I mean you’ve got to be socially-savvy – not just with women – so that you live a lifestyle of abundance, and then come from a place where you actually OFFER VALUE to women and everyone else instead of being YET ANOTHER dorky guy who throws himself down at her feet. In my case, it wasn’t until I was totally happy just DATING and even BEING WITHOUT a woman that suddenly women started popping out from behind bushes suddenly wanting to be my girlfriend. Like, I discovered something that was actually BETTER and more satisfying than being in a relationship.
Prior to that, I couldn’t have gotten a girlfriend to save my life…. 🙂
So that is my focus. Learning to be content in myself and love myself again. Working on other things I LOVE: writing, developing my creativity, music, my guitars, developing that aspect of myself and one day actually getting good hahahaha, my trad music, training, weightlifting – getting strong like the fucking love child of Dmitry Klokov and Lü Xiaojun, my boxing, RIPPED ABS, reading, broadening my mind, my lifestyle, travelling around a little bit more, cooking, my house, my car, working on my finances… I have to get back to that mindset and learn to be happy again, by loving myself and doing the things I actually LOVE.
The other side of this is the stuff I put in the previous post. It’s all part of the project.
So, for all of those who can’t read the base-code of the universe (I’m such a fucking nerd0rk):
What is this magical “script” you ask??
It’s really very simple…
1) Live Your Life
2) Enjoy Women’s Company
3) Assume Absolutely Nothing
3B) ASSUME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING.
It’s all about being fucking cool again, and let the women do the chasing for the relationships. 🙂
Back to the music.